Masturbators Anonymous (MA)

Introduction

In MA, we assist each other in living a lifestyle without masturbation. Our traditions and steps entirely lead this design. As members of MA, we will not get into any argument involving masturbation or related enterprises, like pornography. MA is self-reliant, self-directed, and autonomous from any other twelve-step program. With the help of our higher power, we will grow in this fellowship. As our traditions state: the only requirement for MA membership is a desire to stop masturbating. Through Masturbators Anonymous, our most sincere hope is that intimacy will develop, and members will maintain a life free from masturbation.

• OUR HABIT OF MASTURBATION

MA

Our Habit of Masturbation

• Anytime we need to masturbate, we can do it.
• Nobody loves us.
• If we desire to masturbate, we can.
• We get what we want with masturbation, but sometimes we do not get what we want with other people.
• Whenever we desire, we can quit masturbating, so it is not that bad.
• We will never get girlfriends.
• This time, we will be able to control it.
• It's easier to masturbate.
• It helps to avoid our negativity.
• Everyone thinks masturbation is funny; nobody can take us seriously.
• If we masturbate deep into the night, we cannot get caught.
• We cannot rest without first masturbating.
• We are keeping apart from intimacy so that our addiction to masturbation remains hidden.
• Most of our time is spent thinking about masturbating, preparing to masturbate, or masturbating.

• THE TWELVE STEPS OF MA AND HOW TO USE THEM

MA

The Twelve Steps of MA and How to Use Them

As masturbators, we used masturbation to dull our spirit. We were overly concerned about being sexual with other people, and disapproval weighed heavy on us. By being addicted to masturbation, we lost faith, confidence, and reliance on those in intimate relationships with us. The choke-hold that this addiction had us under only lessened when we acknowledged our weaknesses, went to MA video conferences and allowed the guidance of our sponsors. With the assistance of our higher power, we could do things we ordinarily could not. Sometimes, we had to wait to see that our higher power was doing what we could not do for our entire life. We have a solid foundation to build our retrieval upon with the twelve steps. In step one, we accept that we alone are not powerful enough to oversee recovery from masturbation addiction. Our understanding of a higher power assists us in standing up against this habituation.

By the time we make it to Masturbators Anonymous, many have tried moderating their masturbation conduct. Perhaps, we have removed pornography from the habit, sought only to use sexual fantasy, or tried to restrict our time masturbating. However, we were unable to find wins in our efforts to quit masturbating on our own. Our wife/husband, kin, or career was affected in some way by our masturbation habit. Sometimes, we were closed off to only the addiction. Stranded on Mars 85 million miles away from Earth, we could only be emotionally close with ourselves and no one else. Instead of accepting when others refused to accept us, we receded into ourselves. So, we found Masturbators Anonymous, which provided us with a plan and gave us rest.

• THE TWELVE STEPS OF MASTURBATORS ANONYMOUS

MA

The 12 Steps of Masturbators Anonymous

• 1. We admitted we were powerless over masturbation — that our lives had become unmanageable.
• 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
• 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.
• 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
• 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
• 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
• 7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
• 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
• 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
• 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
• 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
• 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other masturbators, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
• These steps are an adaptation from the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and in no way reflect the opinions or positions of AA.
• These are suggested steps, they are not required for membership.

• THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF MASTURBATORS ANONYMOUS

MA

The 12 Traditions of Masturbators Anonymous

• 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon MA unity.
• 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority — a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
• 3. The only requirement for MA membership is a desire to stop masturbating.
• 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or MA as a whole.
• 5. Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the masturbator who still suffers.
• 6. A MA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the MA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
• 7. Every MA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
• 8. Masturbation Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
• 9. MA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
• 10. Masturbation Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the MA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
• 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.
• 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
• These traditions are an adaptation from the 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and in no way reflect the opinions or positions of AA.
• These are suggested traditions, they are not required for membership.

• THE HOPE OF MA MEMBERS

MA

The Hope of MA Members

• Our strong feelings will not manage our activity, and our strong feelings will no longer numb us via masturbation.
• We will find union with Masturbators Anonymous members and experience compassion.
• Peace, love and a state of well-being will be understood.
• Instead of isolating from human relationships around us, we will build upon them, and they will become close.
• We will seek not to change others but instead to receive them.
• Producing and acquiring good connections with others will be a highlight of our lives.
• We willingly receive ourselves in our entirety, both our strengths and weaknesses: we become a whole human being.

• THE SERENITY PRAYER

MA

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

• THE FOUNDING OF MA

MA was founded on June 14th, 2020 ~ Josh S., founder of MA

The Founding of MA

MA is an online-based group that heavily relies on the internet. Josh S. is the founder of MA, and he lives in Hawaii. Josh's journey began in 2010 when his ex-wife, at the time his girlfriend, caught him using porn. His psychologist suggested that he attend Narcotics Anonymous because, after all, he was an addict, as the NA members call themselves. He attended NA for close to two years. However, he felt that his porn addiction was not accepted there, as he could not talk freely about his struggles. An innocent Google search for porn addicts anonymous turned up pornaddictsanonymous.org. Josh discovered he was the only member active on that site in July 2010. It would be seven months before another member was to join. Porn Addicts Anonymous is now a popular website and Josh is a member.

Seeing that only a few people were on the website, Josh also attended online and in-person SAA meetings from 2011 - 2012 for two years. He worked the steps, 1 through 12, with a sponsor, at least once, in NA and once in SAA. In all, Josh left and returned to PAA two times, about a year apart. Josh was considered one of the PAA developers responsible for developing video meetings, the foundational culture of PAA, and generally pushing for meeting organization on an online platform. Of all the 12 step fellowships (NA, PAA, and SAA), PAA was the most helpful to Josh. The reasoning was that PAA removed pornography use in all of its forms and that by removing porn it allowed Josh to become closer to his wife.

His marriage still suffered during his six years away from porn. Being porn-free was like lifting the car's hood to see another real issue: masturbation addiction. In early 2020, Josh realized that he was masturbator in addition to being a porn addict. This realization made sense, since he continued to suffer from his relationship with his ex-wife even during the six years away from porn. Also, his masturbation addiction flourished during his time in PAA. He slowly built his MA project while attending PAA. However, a liking to porn would never really return to Josh after seven years sober from it. Though not an issue, years of listening to suffering porn addicts during meetings, had its effect on Josh's view of porn. At around 4/29/2026, Josh fully immersed himself into developing MA.

Of course, the 12 steps began with Bill W.'s life, as he was the founder of AA and became inspired by the Oxford Group. Frank Buchman was a Lutheran spiritual leader of the Oxford group that inspired AA. The founder of PAA is Scott P., who developed PAA from a background in AA. So, MA is founded from Frank to Bill to Scott to Josh. On the shoulder of giants, Josh had his assistance in his founding of MA. While MA has no official opinion on other 12-step groups, MA considers itself inspired by these groups and maintains a shared focus of overcoming addiction - wherever its origin is. Most severely separating MA from any of the previously mentioned 12 step fellowships is the highly private nature of masturbation. While sex and porn are somewhat private, they both lack the extremity that masturbation has. Masturbation addiction is a behavior done almost exclusively in solidarity. Josh realized that MA would not likely become a large or even a medium-sized fellowship upon founding MA. The very nature of masturbation addiction is one of complete secrecy, isolation, and privacy - even among close family and friends. Addiction dies in the light of awareness, and bringing awareness to masturbation addiction is sure to be a continued struggle against mountains of denial.

Attracting new members will be slow-going and require immense patience and diligence. Also, MA will be a tiny business, prolonging its development. Masturbation addiction is the world's most isolated and private addiction, so conquering denial and developing awareness of a masturbation-free life is very difficult to obtain. New MA members must complete the following even to begin their recovery at MA:
1. Beat the denial: masturbation addiction is the cause of their problem. Denial arises from the simple question: who wants to be a masturbator? Spoiler alert, nobody.
2. Be willing to confront an addiction socially rather than confront it in isolation. A masturbator must remove the isolation and privacy surrounding the addiction.
3. Be okay with a small, tight-knit group of masturbators, as opposed to the vast AA groups - it is hard to find other masturbators.
4. The most important thing is to foster the realization that MA growth is slow and acceptance of the addiction in oneself is critical. Growth is slow because of the difficulty attracting new members from the private nature of masturbation addiction. Many masturbators will find MA, but few will be willing to leave the privacy and isolation which they need to feed their masturbation addiction.
It originates in isolation, and it is untrue that quitting also occurs in isolation. Masturbators need the help of others. Therefore, the history of MA is full of patience, perseverance, and maintenance of a desire to stop masturbating. The fellowship is made brick-by-brick, but it is a strong fellowship as a result, even if gains are hard-won.

• UNDERSTANDING OUR SYMBOL

The MA symbol is called The Three of Diamonds. ~ Josh S.

Understanding Our Symbol

Its color consists of Charcoal (Hex #264653), Persian Green (#2A9D8F), Orange Yellow Crayola (#E9C46A), Sandy Brown (#F4A261), and Burnt Sienna (E76F51). The main color is Charcoal. Surrounding the diamonds are higher self-concepts, as opposed to lower self-concepts, rooted in masturbation addiction. All the higher self-concepts are in Persian Green. The Charcoal circle surrounding the symbol represents our understanding of cyclical suffering in Step One of MA’s 12 Steps. So, it represents a loss of denial, admission of masturbation addiction as a disease, and ultimately, the beginning of the journey in MA. This beginning step is why it is on the margins of the symbol. This symbol reads from the outside, moving inwards. We all start by denying we are masturbators (that we even have a problem). Once we enter recovery, we can then admit our wrongs and learn to think without dominating our lower selves.

The above image is of concentric circles. The farthest outside circle represents knowledge of self. MA is in the middle, meaning knowledge of others in the program. This meaning includes neglecting the lower self, or the utilization of the lower self for use to maintain the upper self. A good example is self-care in order to be of service later. Lastly, is the innermost Burnt Sienna color. It includes understanding infinite time away from masturbation if we take it a-brick-at-a-time in building infinite freedom from masturbation. Why diamonds? The pressure of the addiction transforms the charcoal color into diamonds. We transform our addiction in recovery: charcoal, into diamonds. Diamonds survive all the pressure, so diamonds are the most complex materials. They can have colors to them. The pressure of the masturbation addiction and our survival of it leaves us rigid like diamonds, as we work a strong program. The MA symbol is the three diamonds and not a cube. Another symbolic form is having the three diamonds set into a circle of higher-self concepts. We draw the MA symbol by making the top diamond laying down, then extending the lower-middle point downwards to create three equal-length vertical lines. From there, we connect the remaining two bottom diamond walls.

• CONCERNING SPIRITUALITY IN MA

God is mentioned multiple times in the 12 Steps of MA. ~ Josh S., founder of MA

Concerning Spirituality in MA

While it is true that MA is considered a spiritual program, it is also remarkably flexible to fit the suffering masturbator. Our first sponsors said a higher power could be ridiculous, like a stuffed pink bunny. This understanding is proper because the main point of a higher power is to have one. The very point of having God in the MA program is to have something bigger than ourselves. Therefore, to have this as a stuffed pink bunny is accepted because it still can be a higher power than ourselves. We suggest using the steps of MA, and the only requirement is the desire to stop masturbating. That said, an MA member can take the 12 steps of MA or even change the steps to fit a culture or any belief system. The steps can even be abolished entirely in an individual's recovery program. Because the 12 Steps of MA are flexible, it is typically doable and wide enough of a path for anyone to walk it.

The 12 Step Tradition, as a whole, travels from MA to PAA to AA to the Oxford group to Frank Buchman. MA is on the shoulders of giants and borrows heavily from previous thought. At its oldest and most primitive form, MA is spiritual. Frank Buchman, considered the true father of MA, was very connected to God and is the reason we continue that tradition in our MA 12 Steps and Traditions. MA is rooted in the spiritual philosophy of Buchman. When working in an MA program, it is not required to believe in God or spirituality. It is helpful to understand that the MA program was born out of a long line of Christianity, specifically Lutheranism embodied by Frank Buchman, the leader of the Oxford group. This rich history is why the Christian belief in MA is the default option. This default option can be changed freely by MA members to make our Steps and Traditions work for that individual.

MA suggests Christianity in honor of Buchman and the founders that come before us. Sometimes such a suggestion is not applicable if such a suggestion prevents an individual from benefiting from the MA program. It is not the purpose of our suggestions to bar an MA member from a masturbation-free lifestyle. Even an atheist approach to MA can work for anyone in their recovery. However, we still suggest that an atheist approach includes more significant power than their ego. The universe, the planet, or the MA group are excellent places to start.

MA is so flexible that it only suggests something to be our higher power and that this selection does need to be greater than the individual's ego. The point is to assign a power greater than ourselves. Even the atheist can find something to add here. The point of a higher power is to have one. It is only a suggestion from the 12 Steps of MA.

In conclusion, MA is a spiritual program, but it does not have to be. The only requirement is a desire to stop masturbating. If someone wished it, they could remove all spirituality in their 12 step program. This removal is why we have to develop an attitude of acceptance in MA and seek to understand rather than be understood by other MA members, spiritually. Our diversity in spirituality is a strength because we are all finding our way up the same mountain. We all come to the same conclusions in MA through different beliefs and cultural backgrounds.

• THE FOUR PRINCIPALS OF MA

It's a fact that quitting masturbation is no easy task, especially when it has become habit. ~ Josh S.

The Four Principals of MA

With the assistance of our higher power, the 12 Steps of MA, and the 12 Traditions of MA, we can meet the challenge. However, from the earliest days of MA, we had several MA members that only lasted under a month in the fellowship. One could argue that they left for personal reasons or an inability to accept and pass through the denial of the addiction. We believe they left because quitting masturbation is very difficult and sometimes outright demoralizing. This difficulty inspired us to resurrect the four principles that Frank Buchman developed. If we do not know who Frank Buchman is, we may want to read about him. Frank is our spiritual founder of MA, and Bill W. is our spiritual leader of MA. The founder of MA is Josh. The four principals, in their simplest form, are:
1. Honesty
2. Purity
3. Unselfishness
4. Love

We turn these principles against masturbation addiction. These other four principles will be enough (when combined with other MA tools) to build up sobriety time away from masturbation addiction. Success in entirely eradicating masturbation addiction will occur for our members. Now, let us look into the four principles of MA in more detail, which Frank developed. The first is honesty. Broken down honesty into its parts, we find truths and lies. Honesty applies best to the newcomer, who has immense shame, guilt, and denial surrounding masturbation addiction. Being honest with one's self is of the utmost importance. Honesty with our sponsors is also essential, and honesty during our shares during a video conference. Founding our recovery on honesty is essential. So, before sharing or talking with another MA member, we ask ourselves: is this the truth or a lie?

The following principle is purity. The moral inventory of step four relates to this concept. When we talk about purity, we are talking about right and wrong. Step four looks at our strengths and our weaknesses. As masturbators, we tend to avoid admitting our weaknesses. However, it is valuable to admit when we are wrong and celebrate our correct decisions. The four principles are about being aware of these things: honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. Often our success in MA is because we remained aware of all four. So, before sharing or talking with another MA member, we ask ourselves: Is this right or wrong?

The following principle is unselfishness. Of all the addictions on Earth, masturbation addiction has to be the most selfish. The reason why is that it is the most isolative addiction, with the overwhelming majority of the time done by oneself. With any social benefit nonexistent, it is clear that the masturbator seeks only to please himself. During sobriety, a MA addict learns intimacy (aka. emotional closeness). Through this, they become aware of other people's feelings and desires. The 12 Steps of MA, as a whole, represent unselfishness. Steps one through seven deal with self-awareness and developing the self. Steps eight through nine will deal with relationships. The masturbation addict's relationships typically are his family, wife, and girlfriend. In steps 10-12, we see a development of compassion, empathy, and service to the suffering masturbation addict. As a whole, step one starts with an utterly self-absorbed person, preoccupied with his suffering. Step 12 ends with an unselfish person who is intimate with others and only maintains the self to serve others. So, we inquire ourselves before sharing and talking with MA members: is this selfish or unselfish?

Lastly, and certainly not least, is the principle of love. Helping other MA members can only be understood as an act of love. Members do unpaid service in MA, and we are sending MA donations from a place of love. Also, we can logically connect intimacy with love because isolation prevents our amative nature. Sobriety increases the intimacy we have around us. Intimacy is like the wood needed to burn the fire of love. It is also essential to recognize that love keeps us connected to our fellows and our higher power in our recovery.
Of course, we do not require the four principles from our members, and we do not require them for MA membership. It is another tool available to the MA member, should they choose to use it. The Four Principals are all about knowledge and maintaining awareness. Knowledge comes with the power to kick masturbation addiction for good and live an entirely new lifestyle.

• STEP WORK GUIDE

There are as many reasons to quit masturbation as there are MA members.

Why Quit Masturbation?

We find three common themes: intimacy, peace of mind, and freedom. Below are some of the more common themes, as we are sure this list is not even close to exhaustive. Because the only requirement in this fellowship is the desire to stop masturbating, it is not necessary to have a pre-existing problem with masturbation. Some of our members do not want to masturbate with no backing reason. As long as they desire to stop masturbating, we accept these people as MA members. Some of our members severely struggled with stopping masturbation, while others had no problem abstaining. Our desire to stop masturbating is what unites us and shows compassion to the suffering masturbator. The number one reason for stopping masturbating is simple: intimacy. Many masturbation addicts find that addiction pulled them away from their romantic partners or sexual partners. With our desire to stop masturbating, we find a renewed interest in intimacy because we can finally become close to another human being again.

Peace of mind is a second theme, and the reasoning is pretty straightforward. These masturbators work themselves up during masturbation to the point that it interferes with their sleep cycles, creates mental agitation, and gives them an inability to relax. They are consistently elevating their mood. When they desire to stop masturbating, they eventually find a great sense of peace. By being calm and relaxed, their minds heal, and they gain clarity of mind as a result.

Though not as popular as the previous two, a third theme is still a big reason masturbators quit masturbating—a feeling of imprisonment. Masturbation addicts lock themselves in bathrooms, bedrooms, and houses, often not being social for days on end. This withdrawal from the world prevents them from expanding their horizons. It leads to isolation and contraction, like the walls are closing in on them. By having a desire to stop masturbating, they learn the meaning of freedom, expansion, and endless spiritual growth.

• GET AND GIVE SUPPORT

A Masturbator Anonymous 12 Step Guidebook © 2026 Masturbator Anonymous

Step Work

This short book is here for suffering masturbators; may they find peace.

Disclaimer: MA is not responsible for any results using the techniques or suggestions in this book. Remember that everything in this book is a suggestion, at best. Working the steps is not required for MA membership. We strongly suggest MA members make alternatives to this book and build off it. If sponsors differ in teaching the steps from this book, it does not automatically make it wrong. There are still many paths to the mountaintop of spiritual awakening. This book is just one of the thousands of ways to recover from masturbation addiction. The bottom line is that sponsors and sponsees need to make this book work for them, even if they must change it.

We are aware that step four can bring up many questions in a sponsee, so have the sponsee call the sponsor if any arise. However, we have the sponsee write a paragraph at the top of their first page in their composition book to help remind them of things. Sort of like a FAQ section:

In all parts of this step work, where you feel guilt or shame about a thought, feeling, or behavior, ask yourself if the thought, feeling, or behavior is realistic and rational. Where you are overwhelmed, focus on personal growth and unconditional acceptance of others and yourself. Be aware that a subject in this inventory falls under a thought, a word, or a deed. Understand that the fourth step is about ourselves, not relationships or others – though they may be a part of how we see ourselves. We do not hesitate to reach out to other masturbation addicts for support during our fourth step. We own our behavior: reminding ourselves of our role in circumstances, occasions, or situations.

Remind them to look into this paragraph if they have any questions before calling a sponsor. Often, this paragraph will solve any questions without a need to go hunting out the sponsor to solve them.

Introduction

We here at MA think there are overarching themes in each masturbation addict's recovery. However, MA members take many different directions to complete the steps, often different to each sponsor. This step working guide is geared towards the masturbator but can be used generally by any 12-step group. The hope is that it will benefit Masturbator Anonymous in bringing more wisdom into the group and give guidance, such as a signpost does for the traveler. In no way does this guidebook do the step work for a sponsee, and a sponsor is still required. Instead, it helps guide the MA sponsor and sponsee in their step work. A sponsor is a guide; a sponsee is a traveler. This literature is the signpost that can help direct the sponsor in guidance and the sponsee in exploration.

Firstly, before we endeavor into step one, let us look at the steps. We have 12 steps. Steps one through seven are concerned with the masturbator. Steps eight and nine focus solely on the relationships of masturbator and their interactions with others. Steps 10, 11, and 12 focus on the help given to a suffering masturbator. We help those suffering in the MA program through compassion and selfless giving. The goal of the first seven steps is to remove the ego, which is often over-inflated in the masturbator. It is slow, but we peel the onion layer by layer. The idea is to lose the ego entirely in later steps and heal the damage caused in steps eight and nine. Before working the steps, we frequently have a self-obsessed masturbator that is not self-aware. At the end of the 12-step process, we hope to become compassionate, healthy people serving others in the MA program.

Another phenomenon I have seen is that sponsees tend to get stuck on a step and cannot move forward for a long time. We believe we all have been here at some time during our sponsorship. For us, it was step three that tripped us up: the acceptance of a higher power to turn our will and our life over. Nevertheless, we have often seen sponsees get stuck on step nine, the step where we go about making justice for the wrongs we had committed towards others. We have even seen sponsees freeze up on the first step. As masturbators, we risk giving ourselves until we have nothing left. The truth is, some people's addiction rests within themselves, some in their relationships, and still yet, perhaps, a few have their addiction in being overly compassionate. When we start with a sponsee, we find they stall out on one of the steps. Be patient and give them appropriate time to process that specific spot in their recovery.

Lastly, it is essential to understand that steps one through three, six through seven, and steps 10 through 12 are what we call "teaching steps." The point is for the sponsee to understand these steps and learn them through the teachings of the sponsor. Typically, this means the sponsor is on center stage, and the recovery of the sponsor is an example. Steps four, five, eight, and nine are all work steps, where the sponsee will need to take the time to complete written assignments, much like homework. Step nine and step five are what we call "presentation steps." The sponsee does the talking and teaching instead of the sponsor, and the sponsor instead understands and learns. In these steps, the sponsor seeks to learn about the masturbator. What did they go through during their addiction or the shattering of their relationships? Therefore, sponsorship is not a one-way street, as sponsors benefit during step work too.

Step One

The background of step one is straightforward, who is a masturbator? We mean, we do not want to accept anyone into MA. The primary purpose of step one is to help separate those who need to take the 12-step journey from those who have no need. Of course, we have heard the tradition which states: the only requirement for MA membership is a desire to stop masturbating. That is true, but what are some reasons for that desire? We all have different reasons for being in MA. However, generally, we will find two reoccurring themes in all our reasons for coming to MA. We become powerless because of our masturbation addiction. Secondly, our lives are unmanageable due to our masturbation addiction. If these two did not happen for a MA member, it would be hard to determine their reason for being in MA. Now, can someone be a MA member and not have experienced powerlessness due to masturbation addiction? This desire to quit masturbating does not just fall out of the sky. Some motives pushed this desire to stop masturbating. Every masturbator will be powerless sometime during their addiction and will also experience an unmanageable life due to the addiction. Because this cart always follows the horse, step one is another method for confirmation that someone is indeed a masturbator.

Two words are keywords to step one: powerless and unmanageable. We experience powerlessness when we attempt to stop the behavior of masturbation and fail. We feel a loss of hope and total isolation from others because we cannot talk about the addiction. Unmanageability occurs when a person has some significant sobriety time, such as three months on their own, and then relapses. The prior stabilizing work is over, and this masturbator falls back into the addiction, living an unmanageable life. Step one is an acceptance step because if we cannot accept that we have had these struggles with masturbation, we will not be able to heal. It is like the check engine light turning on in our cars, but we dismiss it with denial that everything is okay. To fix that car, the driver must first accept that something is amiss, or else no inspection would result! Step one, therefore, cuts through the denial of the newcomer. Through that process, they are established fully into the Masturbators Anonymous group.

Step one begins with control. It is the lack of control during masturbation. Many of us tried to limit our masturbation by only masturbating for a limited time. However, ultimately, we would masturbate past the boundary. Many times, a masturbator will attempt to control their addiction by masturbating with only certain materials, such as non-pornographic materials. However, such techniques could not change the frequency of masturbation for the masturbator. So, we quit masturbation altogether, thinking it will control the behavior.

Nevertheless, now we cannot live without it and cannot get on with our lives with masturbating. Going back to the addiction after a month or maybe three months, we again see our lives return to unmanageability. With the addiction, we are out of control, and without it, we cannot move on with our lives. Control was futile with our masturbation addiction. We may have gotten a month or more away from the behavior but then rewind to square one, with a relapse. Many of us tried to use masturbation this way or change certain aspects to be less painful. By the time we reached MA, we had experienced many futile attempts to quit masturbating, sometimes starting so long ago that the resistance was hard to remember. In MA, we learned acceptance and admitted that this masturbation addiction was not solved independently. All attempts to stop masturbating were ended through dead ends and sometimes accompanied by strong urges to go back to masturbating. Surrender is essential in step one, "this is futile; we cannot win." By admitting surrender, we allow our ego to deflate some, in step one, and begin the process of selflessness and compassion. A suffering masturbator always has one thing in common: they disagree that they are powerless over masturbation and their lives have become unmanageable. They will not accept that their efforts are futile, even with consistent relapses and a history of failure to be free of masturbation.

We have all tried to quit before coming to MA. Perhaps we achieved a month or two of being free from the behavior. However, every effort had failed. Each time we went about living without masturbation, in time, we would fail, and we would find ourselves stuck with the addiction to masturbation. Through acceptance, we can admit that all our efforts had failed. While we may have gotten a handful of days, they would continue to run through our hands like grains of sand. Vanity may make people believe that the first step is negative. It is positive because it cuts through any residual denial and encourages acceptance of suffering – instead of endlessly and unfruitfully fighting the suffering. In step one, we can rise above that suffering in further steps by accepting that the suffering existed. Without acceptance, only denial develops. This denial keeps us trapped in old behaviors and ultimately does not alleviate the ego. Then, we accept the ego as helpful, which is not the fact.

Probably the biggest enemy that the newcomer has in MA is denial. What do they deny? Well, they deny even having an addiction to masturbation at all. Years before coming to MA, they denied that masturbation had effects on their relationships by blaming other things on the adverse effects. Perhaps they blamed pornography use, mental illness, or complex relationships. Most of us did not even recognize the addiction until we came to MA because the denial with masturbation addiction is very thick. We blamed and denied that our masturbation addiction was active in the past. As the denial lifts, we can see the facts clearly, and much of the past makes sense as a puzzle piece dropped in the correct location. Instead of feeling powerful over masturbation, we recognize that masturbation made us feel powerless. The truth was that addiction robs us of our power. Destructive choices and destructive decisions were the results. We were unaware of the source of the destruction during our active addiction, or we remained in denial about the addiction.

Many of the denials included the fact that masturbation is harmless. It is "my body," and I can do with it what I want, which might have been a good source of denial. In denial, it was clear that masturbation addiction could not be the source of our pains. Convinced, we thought masturbation was natural and was not a life-threatening issue. For the most part, we masturbators came to MA for less lethal reasons than the risk of suicide.

Nevertheless, the MA member needs to understand how this addiction can be fatal. We have heard a few addicts from other 12 step programs talk down to masturbation addiction. They claim masturbation addiction is nothing close to the severity of drug addiction or alcoholism. Thankfully, most people in a 12-step program are mature enough to understand addiction. Masturbation addiction expresses itself as a serious thing. In MA, we believe American society vastly underestimates masturbation addiction. Let us explain. First is substance, and second is privacy. Alcohol and most drugs are substances, as they can be in someone's possession, but also not in someone's possession.

In possession of an individual, masturbation is done with no substance and only requires the addict. A high degree of secrecy is required to masturbate, another quality that drastically separates masturbation addiction from other addictions. To different degrees, porn, alcohol, and even heroine have social aspects in their addictions. A group of boys uses porn together. A house party includes many people drinking alcohol and a few heroin addicts in a back alley shooting up heroin together. Masturbation, except in minimal cases, is not done socially. Out of all the addictions in the universe, masturbation has got to be the most solitary addiction, as the addiction itself calls for a high amount of privacy to complete. Therefore, it is our understanding that suicides driven by masturbation addiction are grossly under-announced and vastly escape the knowledge of the public completely. Instead, the public might blame other correlated issues for the death. Each day, we can choose our higher power through the MA group. We do not have to choose to masturbate, and so our lives no longer need to be unmanageable. A newfound acceptance of our responsibility develops, and we become responsible for our recovery through our choices.

Blaming pain on correlated issues than the root cause is denial. In our addiction, we lie to ourselves about our current situation. What value does the sponsee need to pass step one? Honesty in the place of denial! They need to admit that they were powerless over masturbation in the past and lived unmanageable lives due to their masturbation addiction. It is also crucial for the sponsee to be honest with the sponsor. Being honest about withdrawal symptoms is essential. Also, honestly reporting a relapse to a sponsor needs to occur. Stick to the facts. We speak honestly about our past in masturbation addiction. First, a sponsee will need to be honest to themselves, break the denial, and then be honest with everyone in Masturbators Anonymous concerning their masturbation addiction. A successful step one will have a sponsee admitting what brought them to the MA group and why they desire to stop masturbating.

Acceptance comes in three forms. We are powerless over the masturbation addiction, ultimately relapsing sooner than later. Second, we must accept the suffering it caused us and be honest with ourselves. Thirdly, it is wise to understand masturbation as a disease. It is highly secretive and thus almost always overlooked by medical professionals. Masturbation addiction is a disease with no serious creditability among any society, except Masturbators Anonymous. At MA, we accept that masturbation addiction is a disease that will lead to death if left untreated. To treat that disease, we desire to stop masturbation. From that desire, all else falls into place for the masturbator. Without it, we cannot take the first step, nor can we exist at all.

While in the addiction, we craved masturbation. In step one, we must admit that craving to our sponsor. It is typically done by the sponsee explaining situations they masturbated in that were inappropriate or high-risk situations. This craving for masturbation brought with it consequences in our lives. It is crucial, in step one, for the sponsee to admit to their sponsor the consequences that masturbation had in their lives. The sponsee recognizes these consequences. As already described earlier, we come to MA broken. We cannot repair ourselves, so the sponsee goes through the arduous task of focusing on the brokenness in their lives and its relation to masturbation addiction. Though uncomfortable, step one is a decisive step that primes a masturbator for further steps. A MA member's desire to stop masturbating is the only requirement. Such a desire is highly effective in stopping masturbation addiction. With the craving gone, an addiction naturally dies as a result.

We have two selves: the lower self and the higher self. The lower self is self-centered and looks to only please the individual, with no thought of higher thought processes. This section of the human self is uneducated and under evolved. While it serves its purpose, a masturbator who is masturbating is building up his lower self while neglecting his higher self. On the MA symbol are values which are common themes found within the higher self. The idea is to neglect the lower self, though we find in later steps, like step 10, managing the lower self leads to a strong higher self. The higher self is what a MA member develops throughout the twelve steps. A prevalent theme is compassion, in the higher self, and empathy – where we understand and enter another's feelings. In MA, we realize that the lower self dominated our thinking in the past. However, now we can increase our higher self and see that the abuse of the lower self need only live in our past. It no longer needs to dominate our present life. Looking back at our lives with a sponsor, we can admit how we lost control through the workings of our lower self.

In conclusion, as masturbators, we could not live with masturbation, nor could we live without it. We approached MA initially, and our lives and relationships were shattered, in one way or another. Our masturbation addiction became a compulsion to perform it, as it lost its pleasure and positive feeling. We realized that we were not in control of our masturbation and to think that we were in control was just a form of denial. We decide to get to a point where we can live without masturbation and support our fellows in living a masturbation-free life.

Step Two

Step two is a belief step. A power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity if we believe that this is even possible. However, limiting ourselves to a higher power would be incorrect to look at this step. There are three types of help out there for the suffering masturbator. One, a power greater than themselves. Two, others who have had their problem. Three, others who understand their problem. All three can help us return to and maintain sanity. In step three, we get into more detail about our higher power. Those who understand our problem are typically mental health professionals, like psychologists. These specialists often are educated in the area of behavioral health. They can at least understand the addiction from a scientific point of view. Sometimes we need to be heard, and someone who understands us might be all we need at the time. Nevertheless, often, the compassion that another masturbator in Masturbators Anonymous can offer us what we truly need.

In step one, we ultimately find that we did not have what was needed to be free from masturbation addiction. So, in step two, we finally accept and understand what is needed. The ego and self were not enough to stop the cycle of masturbation, so what was accepted was that we were not enough. We needed strength beyond our current resources to defeat the addiction. We also needed strengths that were outside of our awareness. In step two, it is clear that the answer is not within ourselves but outside of ourselves. We find the answer in our higher powers, a friend in the fellowship, and professionals outside of the fellowship. Admitting our powerlessness in step one made it possible to reach out for help, outside of our awareness and beyond our resources. With this complete understanding and belief, recovery is possible.

While addicted to masturbation, we tried to stop and simply could not. However, this was because we sought to fix the problem ourselves. Even though we could not fix our problem, we believe that outside circumstances and forces could occur during our addiction. These forces are beyond our control, and these circumstances can help restore us to a balanced life and a sane mind. Through all of the pain and sorrow of step one, the underlying understanding was that we had to turn elsewhere for help. Thinking that we could fix ourselves led to failure, but we started to reach out to answers through belief. We believe that rational and realistic thinking could restore us from the insanity of addictive thinking. Our masturbation addiction was unrealistic in its demands and, ultimately, not rational behavior. Step two in recovery and abstinence from masturbation were vital in understanding a new way of thinking realistically about our recovery.

Much recovery comes from outside us; we can either fight these outside helpers or let the outside guide our recovery. We complete step two when we work in the same direction as our supports. A power greater than ourselves gives us strengths beyond our awareness and resources if we go along with the will and desire of that greater power. Ultimately, we come to believe in step two that we can become restored to a healthier and more balanced state of living. We believe that we can restore a positive state of soul, body, and mind. We can rise above the masturbation addiction and move beyond the hopelessness and suffering of step one. It can happen for us, just as it has happened for those who came before us. Therefore, the value gained in step two is hope because we see that the cycle of suffering can stop by abstaining from masturbation. We learn that masturbation was the cause of suffering and believe that by abstaining from masturbation, we can finally recover.

The addiction caused the suffering of step one. We thought that we could stop masturbating on our own. Nevertheless, we honestly admitted that we could not live without masturbation. In step two, we go a step further, as now we believe that a power other than the self can restore us. Before the addiction began, we were a whole being. Masturbation addiction is like being split in half, as we have a self that we show the world, and we have a self that we keep in the darkness, unaware of others. Fully restored, step two shows us our wholeness if we can believe in a saving power outside of the self. This greater power is more significant than us. A significant lesson learned in step two is that we are not alone. A power outside of ourselves can help us achieve wholeness through recovery. If we can believe in this power, which some call God, he will restore sanity.

Darkness and suffering of step one end at step two, regaining where we see the control through a power outside ourselves. Through hope, we seek recovery from our masturbation addiction. The darkness fades away through the beginning of a relationship with greater power than the self. We gain this hope in our conversations with other MA members who have had the same addiction to masturbation that we have. Also, we have conversations with psychologists, family members, or close friends – all of whom can understand our problem. Undisclosed, The exact nature of our suffering relates to those who have suffered the same. However, the general support and understanding from non-addicts are abundantly clear. We are human beings, and we have limited power. This limitation is why understanding is so important. We benefit so profoundly from those who suffered from our exact problem in MA. MA was the only 12-step group we could find that offered a community of people who have suffered from masturbation addiction.

Through the limited power of humans and the self, we believe that we need to learn from others. In MA, we met others who have had our problem, and the compassion we felt with them taught us to let go. Let go of what? Let go of the self, suffering, and solve the issue independently. As some spiritualists say, we need to "let go and let God." It was time for a power greater than ourselves to help us. What is needed when experiencing the MA fellowship? A newcomer may understand that a spiritual experience in the later steps of the MA 12 Steps was what they truly needed. However, this occurs later in step 11. It is best to acknowledge that such a spiritual awakening could give us a new direction to follow in step two. This new direction is a new lifestyle. When a masturbator quits the addiction for good, we find that their life is no longer the same. She must learn a new way of living without masturbation, another way of living in a new direction. This new direction, this masturbation-free life, brings about a spiritual awakening that is so strong that it allows the MA member to let go of the addiction completely. A spiritual awakening is the best way to describe a shift in someone’s life because it is like a spiritual experience. A significant shift occurs in the life of the MA member. Thus, we can also call it the significant or primary shift. It occurs typically in many later steps, making step two preliminary understanding and acknowledgment that such a change does occur in the MA member.

Thus, the focus of step one is how to stop the suffering and masturbation addiction from occurring. However, the focus of step two is no longer looking at the darkness and pain. Instead, we are looking at what can happen in this fellowship. Developing a new way of living and awakening can free a MA member from masturbation addiction. In other words, it is about living free from masturbation addiction, not avoiding masturbation. This proactive and positive view is a new direction in life. We must learn to live without masturbation and let go of the addiction, which may have been a part of our lives since childhood. Many newcomers know a lot about masturbation, but those same MA members know very little about living a life without it. Refocused on MA recovery, step two is about learning how to live a new life and letting go of the old behaviors. Some of us sought committed sexual relationships for the first time, thought what healthy sexuality meant to us, or even temporarily became non-sexual to shift gears. We know that we are still sexual beings while recovering in MA, so this new direction in life changes our sexual behaviors. Supporting healthy, committed, and loving relationships in these directional changes often included new sexual perspectives, such as intimacy, amative feelings, and empathy.

Step Three

The first three steps are all linked. We come to the fellowship in step one, a default step. An allegory I will use for step one is that of fog. Confronted with denial that we have a masturbation addiction, this mental fog prevents us from seeing hope and faith in our lives. By processing our denial, we can finally see hope. So, the fog lifts, and we see a stream. This water rushes, giving us hope to escape suffering by following this stream. Once arrested, there is hope that our addiction remains so, day-by-day. Lastly, traveling alongside the stream leads to freezing temperatures, and the stream is frozen. This frozen stream is faith. Faith is a solid form of hope, and it is through faith that we begin the journey of our fourth step of work. So, we begin our step in the fog of denial, find hope, follow it, and solidify our faith. Our faith strengthens us and anchors us in the MA program. Step three is merely a more solid form of step one, as we have fully risen out of the suffering denial mind and risen to the solid faith mind. Steps one through seven deal solely with the self, and step three looks at our faith within ourselves.

The suggested spirituality is a Christian one, as we see that the step mentions God two times. However, using any belief system is appropriate. The MA member would change this step to include their concept of God or another idea altogether. The idea is to have faith in something or someone. An atheist can easily use science or other phenomena to replace their concept of God. Anyone can recover from masturbation addiction, not just Christians. We decide to turn our will and our life over to something in this step. Why? We are turning our will over because our will keeps us locked in with masturbation addiction. We failed to find the faith needed to pull ourselves out of our addiction by relying solely on our will. We are turning our life over to something in step three. Why? We turn our life over because we inevitably turn it over to masturbation addiction if we do not turn it over to another power. We give our lives to something or someone because this prevents us from giving our life to masturbation addiction. We learn then that our lives and our will are no longer in our control but in the control of a power other than masturbation addiction. It is up to this power to care for our lives and our will, and we must be willing to let both of these things leave our control.

We find MA members attending our first MA meeting giving each other suggestions. These suggestions are acted on by those working a step three and accepted. We can turn our will and life over to the MA program by acting on suggestions we receive from other MA members. We find care in the MA program from people that not only understand our masturbation addiction but have suffered as we have, specifically. Before we came to MA, others had been here before us. If nobody was before us, we entrusted ourselves to our higher power. Those MA members that have come before us have increased the collective wisdom of Masturbators Anonymous. Gaining this wisdom was from a hard-won experience living a masturbation-free life and gaining days of sobriety away from masturbation. New MA members can also give their will and life over to this collective wisdom that they hear in the voice meetings, MA chatroom, and phone calls. Resources are shared and made available to these masturbators from those who searched before us. Our higher powers can always be relied on to assist in developing resources.

There is a lot outside of our control in the universe. The most prominent thing is other people. In step three, we decide to accept the things outside of our control. First, we focus on what is already outside of our control, and we do the best we can with it. Of the people we cannot control, we find others who have struggled with the same problem that we have: masturbation addiction. Many 12 step groups accept masturbators in their meetings. However, we are the first to offer support for solely masturbation addiction. While it is essential to turn to our friends, doctors, and other family supports during an addiction crisis, seeking those who have struggled with the same problem is essential. Once we find these MA members, we have to let them help us. We must remove the inaccuracy of denial that we are not masturbators or have not struggled with it in the past. Then, we can develop realistic and rational thinking by helping ourselves with others in the Masturbators Anonymous fellowship. During our masturbation addiction, we used addictive thinking to manage our lives and will. That must never again be the case while we are members of MA.

We can give our will and lives over to those who support us using trust. Some have struggled with the same problem, and there is a collective wisdom that they have gathered in the years that they have been MA members. Using their resources can help us remain masturbation-free. Using their resources can help us trust our will and lives in the care of a higher power. We must prove to our sponsors that we have developed a faith to pass step three. This step is beyond the slim hope that we found in step two. Faith means we do not hope but instead know that all the positive things hoped for will pan out. Step three truly solidifies step two's positive message and further pulls away from the suffering found in step one. Our lives are now cared for by our higher power, and we do the will of our higher power and not our own selfish will. To do this, we surrender the selfish will and let go of control of our lives and will. By letting go, we develop faith. Then, when we have a painful day and the desire to stop masturbating is waning, we can use our faith as a refuge from the storm and remain sober. Leading this refuge is two things: compassion and guidance. The greater power of our understanding requires that we trust it. Once we have decided to take refuge in this greater power, it guides our will, and we feel compassion from it.

We take the ego and, in step three, submit it to the ego of our higher power. In doing so, we decide to ask for help from our higher power and anyone that can understand our masturbation addiction. While step three is submission and seeking assistance, we also commit. The commitment has three parts. First, we realize that we have to quit masturbation for our entire life. We believe this lifelong abstinence is necessary, and we turn on the desire to stop masturbation every day. Once we are sober, it is all about staying away from masturbating. A day at a time, we continue to support the desire to stop masturbating and wish for this to continue infinitely. We lay in the allegorical river, fill our lungs with air and allow the river to take us where it will. This action is the surrendering of the ego to our higher power, with the higher power being the river and its direction of movement. We essentially have let go of control. In the place of our ego, we have instead installed a spirit of goodwill; we seek out the wisdom from responsible others and discover our inner voice in this process. Lastly, we are ready to follow this new direction that the river has taken us, and we continue on the proper path that we have each chosen. We stick to letting go and surrendering to our higher power, even when the river gets rough, or there is fear as to where it is all headed. Our lives are cared for, moving our will effortlessly along the guidance of our chosen path.

Step Four

At the heart of step four is action. Some teachings are from the sponsor, but most work is homework for the sponsee. In step four, the sponsee does written assignments. At the end of this step work section, we will suggest the exact questions and writings. First, though, we will give some general teaching about step four, the first action step of the 12 steps of MA. Step four directs continually towards the addict herself. In step four, the sponsee will discover huge concepts of themselves. They continue to grow in self-realization and cognition.

In step four, we make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. What makes it searching is that we take our time. This step work is not a race to the finish. Instead, be as thorough as possible. This step can also be worked on again if we happen to work the MA 12 steps again. Fearlessness is required because the sponsee sees parts of themselves that they have suppressed and shoved into their unconscious mind. We have to face that we have been running from masturbation addiction. The moral part of this step concerns how we look at our strengths and includes looking at our weaknesses. We list how we did the right things, but we refuse to numb the negative with masturbation. Instead, we list where we were wrong. Step four is an inventory because we put ideas down on paper to understand ourselves better.

So, fearlessly, we face our bad feelings in this step. We make sure to face the aspects of ourselves in our character that contributed to our bad feeling. Instead of blaming others for the harm we have done with our masturbation addiction; we make a searching inventory of our contribution to the harm. This type of acknowledgment is a strength, not a weakness. However, it is equally important to celebrate our successes. Therefore, we also list occasions where we had done well and were happy with these occasions.

In some sense, the fourth step is an examination of the self. An allegory we use stemmed from our sponsors. We asked them why sponsorship was necessary; why did we need another person to complete the steps? Can’t we do them on our own? They responded in an allegory. They said something like: “would we go walking into a bad neighborhood alone?” No. We carry this allegory further by describing the fourth step, where we drive a car through a bad neighborhood and take notes on what we see. We are not getting out of the car. We are keeping the doors locked and are merely observing. The allegory continues: the bad neighborhood is our weaknesses and the harms we have done, the wrong turns. As masturbators, we suppress this negative side of ourselves, numbing with masturbation so that we do not see it. At the same time, we pretend it does not exist.

In Step four, we explore our city by driving around and making lists. We continue to be aware of the good neighborhoods and bright parts, but we also map out the dangerous neighborhoods. We work with our sponsors to transform those dark neighborhoods into good ones in later steps. With the help of our higher powers, this is possible, and our sponsor’s charity also makes this possible. Lastly, once we have our moral inventory written, we will present our findings to our sponsor. The allegory, then, is walking and driving through those wrong neighborhoods with our sponsor, protected by a higher power. All three energies make up a transformational power.

It is suggested in step four to list all the situations in which we are most likely to masturbate. We do this because this process allows us to learn more about ourselves, especially our addictive selves. If we transform the addictive self, we must first learn more about it. This self-examination of step four concludes that we must make realistic and rational evaluations or “inventories” of the self. We break down the self into thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, both positive and negative. Doing step four does not induce shame and guilt. Instead, it evaluates where our decisions, actions, and attitudes were not rational or realistic. A great way to determine if it is our masturbation addiction speaking or ourselves speaking is to ask ourselves if something is rational or realistic. If it is, then it is our authentic self. If it is not either of the two, it is just our masturbation addiction running the show. In this guide, we will read about the insanity of masturbation addiction and the rationality of the true self rising out of recovery.

Part of being realistic is acknowledging our weaknesses and our strengths. As human beings, we all have weaknesses and own these. Our strengths are essential to living a rational life away from masturbation addiction. Too often, we used masturbation to numb ourselves and remove weakness, removing it for a short while. We choose not to permit problems to overwhelm us during this process of understanding ourselves. Instead, we focus on personal growth and the unconditional acceptance of ourselves and others. We learn we can love ourselves, flaws and all. This love is vital to developing a realistic view of ourselves, which is instrumental in the fight against masturbation addiction. When does a sponsee pass step four? When a sponsee demonstrates courage, in this step. We are asking our sponsees to go back to observe their addiction, not to interact alone with their addiction, like they used to. However, it takes a tremendous amount of courage to revisit those bad streets, even if we stay in the car. This step develops courage within the sponsee. The moral inventory can be frightening, as we ask the sponsee to revisit hurtful and harmful feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. This inventory is the observation of righteousness and a way out of the suffering of step one.

We can separate self-examination into three sections: thoughts, words, and deeds, for practical purposes. We will ultimately be aware of our strengths and weaknesses through a successful fourth step. We must think about ourselves, even if we are triggered. If the sponsee is overly triggered, go slow through this process. There is no time limit on a significant step four. We have all joined a fellowship of masturbators who help each other maintain a lifestyle free from masturbation. In this new lifestyle, we own our behavior, both the good and the bad. Each masturbator in MA has a dark side, dangerous behavior, or quality. We are not gods; our flaws make us complete human beings. Sometimes a good friend in MA will point out a flaw in us, out of love. It is like talking at a party with someone who has a giant booger halfway out of their nose; masturbators tell other masturbators to wipe it off. We acknowledge our flaws together as a group and celebrate them as parts of who we are. We become whole at the end of step four.

Looking within takes courage and strength to face obstacles that hinder our continued personal and spiritual development. In this step, the sponsor needs to train the sponsee to develop courage and strength. We must stop dividing ourselves into two parts: addiction and us. Instead, the two parts of the city will become one, and in step four, we own our bad streets and acknowledge that they need to change. However, we are the dark and the light; we are one city or none. Transforming will be in step five when we invite the sponsor into the sponsee’s city to transform the dark into the light.

Step Four: Action Step

We suggest that a sponsee purchase a composition book to do writings. However, it is also acceptable for the sponsee to use a computer for their action steps during their writings. The amount suggested is one page being the length of one page of a composition page. We further divide each page into different sections. We have found that doing a page at a time is beneficial to encourage the sponsee to take their time in this action. A sponsee should take a long time, maybe even two weeks per page, because this is a searching inventory. However, remind the sponsee to develop further and realize later on in recovery when the sponsee revisits this step. Below, in bold, is actually what the sponsee will write in their composition book, word for word: Page one.

Bad feelings | How I contributed to feeling bad | Harms I have done due to bad feelings | time: Past, present, not future

The “|” line symbolizes a section of the page. We suggest a composition page, be aware that a page can be as long as the sponsee and sponsor decide together. Thus, the first page is separated into three subsections, on the same page, starting with bad feelings. Be aware that bad feelings mean what they say, any bad feelings the sponsee has – even those not seemingly related to masturbation addiction. These feelings are just general bad feelings in the sponsee and are true, as well, in the following two subsections. Often we are not aware that masturbation has had such an impact on our lives. By examining all bad feelings, we start to see underground ties that masturbation addiction had in our relationships with family, friends, and loved ones. Here is the second page:

Occasions where I have done well | Why I was glad for doing well | time: past only or recent past

Note that the “time:” section represents what part of our lives to look into for that page. In this case, we are looking into the past and recent past. We are not looking into our present self, so such an examination into that period is not done. We separate this page into two sections. The second section builds off of the first section. We will note the positive focus of this page, which is needed to understand ourselves properly and who we are. We are not angels, but we are not demons either – we have a positive side, even during our masturbation addiction. Again, when we say “done well,” it means any part of our past and recent past. It does not need to be focused on masturbation addiction only but can include the whole self. Here is the third page:

Situations I am most likely to masturbate: | time: past

This page has no section, so it is just one complete page. Here is the fourth page:

Strengths: | Weaknesses: | time: present – to continue updating

So, we have the sponsee write out the bold on the top of each page. This page has two sections, but it is two long lists instead of free-writing. That is what the “:” symbolizes. Notice that the time is not the past but is now looking only into the present time. Also, interestingly, a “to continue updating” means that we will later keep this list updated in the present moment. Say, later in our recovery, a weakness is no longer due to development. We would remove it from the weakness list. Perhaps strength is no longer firm and needs to be removed now. Maybe we find as we get sober from masturbation that we find a strength that we overlooked. Either way, this page is a living document, and in step 10, we will be revisiting it. As a reminder, continue to be aware that the question does not mention masturbation addiction or masturbation. These are general strengths and weaknesses, including unrelated to masturbation addiction. Here is the final fifth page:

Obstacles that hinder my continued spiritual or personal development: time: present

Again, notice that this is in the present moment, not the past. Have the sponsee consider and examine overall spirituality and personal development. What hinders its continuation? What are the roadblocks? This last page brings about awareness in the sponsee and action for the sponsor to learn where to work. In all actuality, a goal of the sponsor needs to be freeing their sponsee from obstacles that hinder their sponsee’s continued spiritual and personal development. Remember, it is progress, not perfection in the 12 step program. In our sponsees, we do not want to see them materialize what we envision them to be, but instead, we need to learn to accept them for who they are – in the present time. Also, we need to encourage and applaud any movements in the right direction, even if they never make it to the desired checkpoint. The movement is not a race, it is a journey, and we are not alone. We desire proper support from our MA sponsors and realize that our sponsees are right where we want them to be: making progress.

Again, notice that this is in the present moment, not the past. Have the sponsee consider and examine overall spirituality and personal development. What hinders its continuation? What are the roadblocks? This last page brings about awareness in the sponsee and action for the sponsor to learn where to work. In all actuality, a goal of the sponsor needs to be freeing their sponsee from obstacles that hinder their sponsee’s continued spiritual and personal development. Remember, it is progress, not perfection in the 12 step program. In our sponsees, we do not want to see them materialize what we envision them to be, but instead, we need to learn to accept them for who they are – in the present time. Also, we need to encourage and applaud any movements in the right direction, even if they never make it to the desired checkpoint. The movement is not a race, it is a journey, and we are not alone. We desire proper support from our MA sponsors and realize that our sponsees are right where we want them to be: making progress.

Step Five

This step is a presentation of what we discovered in step four to our higher power, another person, and ourselves. We share this with ourselves, which means we are not living in denial anymore about our addiction. We see it and have come to terms with it. We admit our weaknesses, as well as our strengths. Most importantly, we are no longer running away and denying these dark sides of ourselves. Instead, we realize that the dark side is just the other side of the coin for us. By owning up to our wrongs, in the action step of step five, we can begin the process of asking our higher power to remove these shortcomings discovered in step four. The fact is, we are no longer running from our weaknesses and wrongs by masturbating. Instead, we own them and admit in step five that they exist. We may not like our shortcomings, but we can at least admit that they exist and that it is okay to stop and take a look at them in a personal inventory.

We suggest that the masturbator take his step four written work and share it with at least one person. It is also beneficial to discuss this step work with this person. This person does not need to be a masturbator. During this sharing with another person, we suggest that the masturbator has no reservations about the exact nature of their wrongs but to divulge everything in its entirety. Also, it is beneficial to share with total openness in step five, so the proper choice of whom to share it with is critical. It tends to be with a sponsor we are comfortable with, have no reservations, and are open. The trusted individual could be a close family member, a trusted psychologist, a long-time friend, or a MA sponsor. At the very least, we ask our friends to help us avoid situations where we are most likely to masturbate.

In step five, we admit to ourselves the exact nature of our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, both the negative and the positive. If we so choose, we also have the opportunity to review and share this evaluation with another willing person. We suggest it does not cause additional risk to ourselves or another person. When reviewing this inventory with another person, we will admit to ourselves and the other person the exact nature of any injurious, hostile behavior or thinking. Also, be sure to equally explore any inner goodness such as compassion, courage, and positivity. Yes, we all have an addiction that is quite dark and negative. However, we admit in step five to having a bright side to ourselves. There is always this goodness in every masturbator. The evaluation needs to be thoroughly explained, no matter how prevalent it is in the masturbator's life.

A masturbator is ready to move on to step six when the sponsee demonstrates integrity to their sponsor. Demonstrating integrity means they understand their weaknesses, as well as their strengths. They can admit their dark side of masturbation addiction and no longer running from it through denial. Through her evaluation in step four, the sponsee can develop a type of spiritual morality, where the whole individual is self-aware and no longer refuses to understand the negative aspects of themselves. These negative aspects are part of themselves that they used to numb up with masturbation addiction. So, step five is a type of confession we make with our sponsors. The goal is that we are learning to feel comfortable talking about our weaknesses. Through this awareness, the sponsee purifies himself because he can finally become an integrated whole person and not live a double life of a masturbator and father, student, or friend. They have gone into the past, in step four. In step five, he finds he can admit his exact moral nature, his strengths, and weaknesses. He demonstrates that he can share his moral nature of deeds, words, and thoughts to his greater power and himself. He no longer lives in denial and talks about these weaknesses.

In conclusion, we talk about things we thought were wrong about ourselves in step five. We communicate these things to our sponsors and the more excellent spirit that we have designated to help guide us in our recovery. In step four, we honestly evaluate our lives, and in step five, we acknowledge our strengths. Most importantly, we acknowledge our weaknesses. We are now one and not two. We do not emphasize our strengths and ignore or numb our weaknesses. Through discussing our inventory with someone else, we have completed step five. Of course, all of the steps are optional. It is optional not to share what was discovered in step four, especially if the additional risk is possible by sharing it. Instead, it may be necessary that the sponsee not share what was discovered in step four and go about writing in a private journal of any discoveries. Through sharing our step four with another person, it is wise to keep a journal that we only share with ourselves. Discovering through writing to ourselves, we process step four further. Then, the sponsee can then fully commit to awareness of the hurt that his addiction brought others around him. Being fully open about this is very important. Sometimes, we can only be fully open in a written journal. In step five, we are furthering the self-realization of the sponsee and developing recovery for the individual. It will not be until step eight that we look at their relationships with others and how the masturbator affected that.

Step Six

Having discovered more about ourselves from the previous steps, we are now ready in step six to remove these defects. However, we are not the ones to be doing this work, as it is entirely left to our higher power to do removal work. We are just preparing for this action in this step, which will happen soon. Through the process of the earlier steps, we can now say we accept our moral and personal weaknesses and accept that they need to change. However, how can they change? Since the previous work has humbled us in steps four and five, we can finally get our desperately needed help. We become ready to accept help in letting go of our defects. These defects created problems in our lives, but somehow we attached to the suffering they created. Step six is about letting go and being ready for that. We can be ready for step seven, bringing our higher power into our lives. In step four, we let go of problem behaviors and negative personality traits we discovered.

While our higher power completes this transformation, a friend can also push along. Accepting the help that our friends give us during this stage is very important. One of the sayings I have picked up in other twelve-step groups is the idea of “take what you want, and leave the rest.” This quote means that when someone offers us a solution to our problems, we do not attack them for not offering the right solution. We thank them for their efforts and leave the solution to rest without shoving it back into our friend’s face. Essentially, we take the advice that works for us and utilize it, but we still accept the advice that will not work for us. This mindset allows us to have realistic and rational thinking, revealing our destructive behavior and thinking. In our addiction patterns, we often thought nobody could help us and understand our masturbation addiction. So, anytime that help was available, we often shunned it and even attacked the giver for being so ignorant. However, this was not realistic. It was more rational to utilize what we could from outside resources and our higher power. What did not work, we let it rest. We thanked the giving spirit in those around us, not in the receiving spirit of having helpful knowledge. As many of us learned as children, “it is the thought that counts,” and it is no different when it comes to recovery.

A solid step six focuses on healing and abolishing the shame and self-blame that often occurs in the active masturbator. We must learn, in this step, the boundaries of our responsibilities. We will need help, and our abilities only go so far; there is a boundary to what we can do. Instead of falling back on old behaviors of self-blame for such weakness, we find the strength in reaching out to the helping hand of another. We can remain open to this help and the support around us. We can trust that others will offer support during this complex challenge of change. A sponsee must master his willingness to stop masturbating. To pass on to step seven, he must demonstrate to the sponsor that he is willing to let go of his masturbation addiction and be abstinent from it – day-by-day. Doing this is not always easy. That is why a good relationship with a trusted sponsor is essential to develop. The reason is that a sponsor needs to recognize the right intention in the sponsee: an intention to stop masturbating each day.

Moreover, yes, evidence of self-restraint comes with being free of masturbation. To do this, the sponsee and sponsor must have a close relationship to pick up on these cues that allow him to pass the sponsee into step seven. There is a feeling that the sponsor must have while speaking with the sponsee, that he is entirely ready to work at a transformation of himself.

Note that all the sponsee is to do is work on his ability to let go of character defects; the sponsee’s higher power does the actual work. They can no longer cling to negativity. Our higher power makes wholesome characteristics out of the negative characteristics listed in step four. As long as we are clinging to those, healing is not possible. There has to be a willingness from the sponsee to move forward and accept strong characteristics in the place of those listed as weaknesses. In this step, we can pray for the proper guidance from our higher power and become open to change, and be willing to undergo that change. Only we can let in the light to banish the dark, but the light and the actual transformation is not done by the self, but by a much greater power than us. However, in step six, the sponsee must open the curtains for help. It is wise to look at a fifth step and the section where we list our strengths and weaknesses. It is helpful, in step six, to build upon those listed strengths and overcome the listed weaknesses, with the help of the great spirit, whom our MA 12 steps call God. Steps four and five allow the identification of good and destructive behaviors. These behaviors shaped our lives before coming to MA, and we accepted that they need to change.

We find a sponsee who is entirely ready to listen to wise counsel in this step. The small voice inside them guides him in changing behaviors that were harmful to himself and others in his past. That small voice within is like the Jiminy Cricket in the Walt Disney movie Pinocchio, made in 1940. Our quiet mind is an inner voice or feeling that guides the rightness or wrongness of one’s behavior. We learn to listen to that feeling, sometimes for the very first time in our lives, as masturbators. So, we are part of the change process that we will see the results of in our life and the development of our human potential. We see this change in ourselves, higher power, friends, sponsor, and family of the sponsee. Nevertheless, the sponsee must take the beginning step, who becomes willing to change by being open to support.

Step Seven

Step seven is the last step that we focus on the individual. Steps eight and nine will be about those other than ourselves affected by our masturbation addiction. Simply put, step seven is where we ask our higher power for assistance. In step six, we have prepared ourselves for the moment that we directly contact our higher power. Through being humble, we fulfill step seven because we could not fix our addiction on our own; we needed the help of a higher power. This lesson of humbleness and the power of that humbleness is the real lesson of step seven. Ultimately, step seven is the concluding lesson on the self. Through all the work we have done in steps one through seven, we find a humbleness and place our higher power above our own selfish needs. The self is used only in a supporting capacity. We shift our focus from the self to a focus on the higher power of our understanding. Ultimately, we can only invite our higher power into ourselves to fix our addiction. This higher power concludes our work on the self; we realize that it is only through our higher power that we could heal from masturbation addiction. Lastly, the work no longer is to quit masturbating but rather to connect with a higher power. At the end of step seven, we finally ask for his support to heal us from our disease.

Step seven concludes the hard work we have done on the self. By completing this step, the masturbator willingly admits their moral and personal weaknesses to others, wherever appropriate, and even listens to any advice that others may offer. We seek to have our shortcomings removed and eliminated in step seven. We seek to have our shortcomings removed and eliminated in step seven. We achieve knowledge with an open mind, and we remain open to assistance. Through our work on the self, we admitted we even had weaknesses. Finally, we develop the openness needed to invite our higher power to help in step seven. However, our friends can help this process by paving the way for a higher power to enter our lives, and we hope that our friends can help us. Healing in step six, we find an action step in step seven. By applying realistic and rational behavior and thinking, we can replace our masturbation addiction. For a sponsor to pass a sponsee through this step, he requires that the sponsee embraces introspection and works towards alleviating his shortcomings. By striving towards personal growth over personal perfection, the sponsee becomes integrated into the collective human society. They are no longer isolated and instead have intimacy to replace that.

Boiling down step seven, we find one word: humility. What saves us is humility. We need to admit, in step six, that we need saving. In step seven, we go beyond superficial humility into entirely asking, begging, our higher power to save us from our masturbation addiction. For a sponsee to develop humility, the correct view of the sponsee's addiction is essential. The sponsee had done everything to stop masturbating. However, ultimately, he had to give up the mission to something higher than himself. Once we connect with our higher power, we need firm resolve to continue with it to the end of being saved.

Nevertheless, what is the meaning of saving? For our purposes here, being saved has had unskillful aspects of ourselves transformed and cultivated into positive ones. We undergo a spiritual transformation. These unwholesome aspects that we discovered in step five must be qualities that we turn over to our greater power, to be transformed by that greater power into positive qualities. So, after we have entirely changed, we can focus on healing those around us. As our sponsors used to tell us, we cannot run around asking if someone is thirsty during a 12 step meeting when our glass is empty. First, fill up the glass with water and ask if anyone is thirsty. This philosophy is the simple reason we focus solely on the healing of the self, first, and then focus on healing our relationships afterward. So, we get our lives in order, we deal with the wreckage of the past, and then we can make amends whenever feasible, in steps eight and nine.

In conclusion, through practical measures, we put our lives in order, using realistic solutions to deal with the wreckage of the past. However, it is only through being humble that we can allow the process of a significant change to occur. At the end of this process, we can look at all we have worked for and be proud of our strength and ability to grow. Remaining humble throughout the growing process is work because it is tough to be vulnerable and reach out for help. Now that we have our glass full of water, we have the blessing to offer it to those in the meetings at Masturbators Anonymous. There is still much to do in our 12 step work, but fully repairing the self will exponentially assist the helping of other fellows in MA. Next, we look at steps eight and nine, which look at the wreckage we may have caused others in the past due to our masturbation addiction. Many of us will likely look at memories of our ex-wives or ex-girlfriends, whom we largely left devastated in the wake of masturbation addiction. Some of us will have damaged our families, co-workers, or friends. We can now face these demons with a strong inner self and ultimately come out victorious by conquering them all.

Step Eight

Through making a list, step eight is considered an action step similar to step four. The sponsee will do written work and share that work with the sponsor. In step nine, we take this further and put written work into action. We will be making amends with those we list here in step eight, except when doing so would injure those we seek to make amends. So, in step eight, we are only writing, and it is essential not to seek to make amends just yet until we can work through step nine with the guidance of our sponsors. Now, we hope to make amends with those we write about, and we should know that in step nine, we will work on actually mending the bridge between another person and us. However, for now, in step eight, let us instead work on understanding which bridges need repair and which bridges are worth our while in doing that repair process. At the end of this chapter, we will add the exact questions suggested for a quality step eight.

While most of the time, we are concerned with those we have harmed through our addiction, we have also to consider that others harmed us through our addiction. This harm that we receive from others may have played a role in enabling our addiction. Others sometimes enabled us to continue our addiction to masturbation, which was a form of harm to us. We will consider those we have harmed and those who harmed us through our addiction. Also, we will become willing to explore any feelings that surface regarding these harms. We can clearly remember our ex-wife's or ex-girlfriends enabling our masturbation. Hence, the harm was not one-sided in our relationship. So, why are we seeking to explore our feelings and consider harm? The goal in step eight is to list people who have harmed us and find ways to forgive people for harming us during our addiction. By listing people we have harmed, we will want to seek forgiveness in our hearts and have an honest attitude of seeking forgiveness. Using loving-kindness as a tool, we become grateful for this opportunity to give forgiveness and to prepare ourselves for the task of asking for forgiveness. For those we no longer contact, perhaps an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, it is wise to maintain an attitude of loving-kindness and seek forgiveness in our hearts towards this person. Our masturbation hurts others, and wanting to make it up to these people is the goal of step eight. In step nine, we look at the necessary action to this loving-kindness.

Nevertheless, the focus is not totally on others in a good step eight. Forming a list of people we have harmed is essential to continue self-care. We strive to be in good health: eating nutritious food, getting enough rest, exercising, and even stopping addictive behaviors like smoking. Step eight is a difficult step, with much homework from our sponsor, so we need to keep up caring for ourselves to make our way through this step. So, what does it mean to list people we have harmed? Other people have their own lives, and our masturbation addiction affects their lives adversely by our behaviors and actions. So, in step eight, we had to prepare to make the needed amends. This amends repair damage that occurred during our active masturbation addiction. We also run into all of our grudges in step eight, so this step is an opportunity to forgive against whom we held those grudges. However, it is a trifecta of harm. The most obvious being that we harmed others during our addiction. A little less obvious is that others harmed us during our addiction by enabling us or harming us as children and placing us in a place of addiction. The most overlooked form of harm comes in the fact that we abused ourselves during our masturbation addiction. While we were abusing ourselves during our masturbation addiction, we also prevented intimacy from forming. Abuse caused various other adverse effects through addictively masturbating.

Here are the actual questions that sponsees can write in a composition book, with one composition page assigned to each question. However, there is no limitation to the length of this written work. Have the sponsee write this in their composition book or written work (the bold portion is what is written down in the written word, by the sponsee):

Eighth step: only people I am willing to make amends with or give forgiveness. Only people I hope to make amends with or forgive. I have hurt these people by my masturbation addiction, and others have hurt me by attributing to the development of my masturbation addiction.
I am not smoking, I exercise regularly, get enough rest, and eat nutritious foods.
Explore my feelings….
Harms is defined as “people whose lives had been affected adversely by my actions and behavior, tied with my masturbation addiction”

Then on a second page have this written, at the top page:

People who have harmed me

Feel free to have the sponsee work a page at a time before giving further pages. On the third page, have this written by the sponsee:

People I have harmed

On the fourth page, have this written by the sponsee:

Those against whom I hold grudges

On the final page, have this written by the sponsee:

How I harmed myself

Have the sponsee fill out and keep in mind the first page's rules. Only have the sponsee list people they are willing to make amends. There is no point in repairing a bridge to an abusive person in our life. There is no point in repairing a bridge to a place we will never go or travel over. If we cannot forgive a person who harmed us, repairing the bridge to them is a worthless expenditure of energy. We will never use a bridge with someone we hold a grudge with. Have the sponsee only list people they hope to make amends with or forgive. Much of the point in step eight is to explore our feelings and remind the sponsee that this step is not about seeking justice but forgiveness. Please remind the sponsee not to make amends just yet; they first need to explore their feelings in step eight. Only then can someone truly repair the bridge to another person. We define harms in this written work, so ensure that the sponsee knows what harms are and can identify them. Use this definition for harm: "people whose lives had been affected adversely by my actions and behavior tied with my masturbation addiction."

Harms the masturbator receives come from others and themselves. Enabling behavior from others allows the masturbation addiction to progress and worsen. In step nine, we will discuss what was written by the sponsee and decide which bridges to repair. Lastly, by completing step nine, we will have repaired every bridge we could. There are two types of repairs. One is a life-long repair that will likely never be fully repaired but can be maintained and managed to function. This repair might be with a wife, girlfriend, or family member. Doing the other type of repair is prompt, around two to four weeks. We can communicate with this person and come to a satisfying solution. Therefore, there are enduring lifetime damages, so we do not expect one round of the 12 steps to do much here. We need to continue to live the steps and maintain that relationship with the person. These are life-long amends, and often by staying masturbation-free, we find opportunities to continue to heal here. Direct amends is the one that can be accomplished pretty quickly, such as a one conversation fix or maybe a few sit-downs. We find these most prevailing in our friends, acquaintances, and even strangers.

Often, we give direct requests for forgiveness. This type of bridge to another person is entirely salvageable. It is no longer needed to maintain, as it functions directly. Living amends, however, are not finished promptly and instead really have no clear end in sight. We maintain these bridges and continue to heal wherever we can with them, but there is no expectation of one pass of the 12 steps to heal them. Likely, they will need many cycles of step work. Even then, some of these bridges will need to be perpetually maintained. This maintenance is not complex because we often value this relationship enough to maintain it and are more than willing to go through the step work to make that happen. Often, this is to stay connected with a wife, and we do the living amends because we have quit masturbating. We will need to do this daily, and thus, the bridge is never really fixed but instead kept in order daily. A direct bridge between two people and a living bridge offers the same connection. However, a living bridge will require more expended effort from the masturbator. However, suppose something over the end of that bridge is worthwhile, such as a relationship with a wife. In that case, it is straightforward for the masturbator to make: continue to heal the relationship throughout one's lifetime.

Step Nine

In step nine, we make direct amends to people on our list whenever possible. First, however, we talk with our sponsors and work with them in exploring which relationships we think are salvageable worthwhile in repairing. We also share with our sponsors our feelings about working on step eight. Step nine is straightforward; each sponsee will take full responsibility for making amends and allow others to make amends with them. We all need to be open to receiving amends from others that enabled us during our masturbation addiction. However, we want to do all this without presenting a risk to ourselves or others. For instance, we would not be contacting our ex-wifes because further damage could bring risks to her and us. We suppose it did not end well, so we know that amends can only happen if we have loving-kindness in our hearts and are open to healing. Actual communication would be risky for all involved. So, the amends process is done by what we, the sponsee, feel is appropriate and not injurious. It does help to have a sponsor talk with us about possible risky behavior, as they see things more objectively than we can do as sponsees. We need to remember that we may have severely harmed people in our active addiction. This negativity could reignite through an amends process. Even if the harm was not severe for these people, it is best to accept that the relationship bridge is broken and will perpetually remain so. Acceptance, in this case, is the healing the sponsee needed, not communication.

We are left with justice if we boil down step nine to its most straightforward understanding. We start with a scale that is not equal. We have amends to make. Others enabled us during our addiction and harmed us. We may have harmed ourselves. Righting the scales is a proper step nine. This balancing is accomplished through amends making, receiving amends, and accepting that certain bridges are closed in our lives. In some sense, it is accepting that a life chapter has ended. Doing step nine leads to justice. Sometimes that is as direct as saying we are sorry and getting a hug in return. It can also be as complex as realizing we have the rest of our life to make it up to that person, living amends. It can also be as simple as acceptance of reality. The bridge is unrepairable, and any communication with the other side to repair it comes with risk. So, through the concentration used in step nine, we make sure to give amends as much as we ask for amends. Overlooked consistently is a conscious effort to forgive others that harmed us. However, through this almsgiving, we can fully move into helping our fellow masturbators heal. In steps eight through nine, we focus on building and repairing the bridges between people called relationships. However, in steps 10 through 12, we focus on helping the still suffering masturbator that enters our meetings.

In conclusion, in step nine, we are making up to those listed in our step eight whenever we can, except when to so would hurt them more. If there is a risk of hurting those on the list more, we do not take that risk and instead develop acceptance. Through acceptance, we learn to live in the here and now, the real world, whether it is painful or pleasant. Rather than dogma or superstition, we pledge our allegiance to evidence and reason. Relying on acceptance, in some way, helps to repair a broken relationship. We did not break it. It is the way it is: it is okay. By loving kindness in our hearts, we can wish the best for that person on the other side of the stream of life.

Sometimes the only repairs we need to make are not in amends or action, but rather in our emotions and thoughts about another person. It is painful to see a broken bridge, and any further contact with the person risks negativity. However, acceptance will be enough to remove the grudge we carry with this person, lightening our load, at least. Lastly, we are not helpless in the face of an unrepairable bridge, such as this. We can always help another masturbator. We can help others in any way we can. We will take direct action to help others and empower ourselves in this way. So, while we cannot make a risky relationship rescue, we can help others. Helping other MA members is what we will do in the remaining three steps of MA’s 12 step program.

Step Ten

When a sponsee reaches step 10, we tell them it is all downhill from there. We find the act of helping the still suffering masturbator to be much easier than fixing the complicated relationships we have with others. Moreover, fixing those relationships is much easier than working on ourselves. So, we find that the steps become more accessible as we go along and that the 12th step is the easiest and most natural for us to do. When we first entered into MA, it is likely that we wished to help the still suffering masturbator, but that we were in no place to do so. Broken inside, we had burned many bridges to others. However, having worked on ourselves and our relationships, we are ready for steps 10, 11, and 12. In step 10, we will discuss how self-care and maintaining healthy relationships with others allows us to care for the suffering masturbator fully.

Emerging from the negativity of steps one, two, and three, in steps 10, we focus on maintenance and patting ourselves on the back for our progress this far in the steps. When we have done well, we recognize this. It is likely that the weaknesses listed in our inventory of step four have been worked on and strengthened. We will continue to develop the personal inventory of step four, revising the list as needed. By evaluating our life, we will understand which behaviors, feelings, and thoughts are not rational or realistic and promptly admit them. Remember that our masturbation addiction is not realistic, nor is it rational. For instance, we enjoy intimacy and a close sexual relationship with a woman. However, our addiction bars us from intimacy and a close sexual relationship. It is self-destructive and does not serve us. Instead, we search for personal betterment by performing meaningful self-evaluation and keeping a sincere living record of such an endeavor. If we boil down step 10, it is about perseverance. How do we stay masturbation-free throughout the years? We answer this question in this step.

The primary tool to remain free from masturbation is simple: a daily examination of the self and repent upon discovering personal weakness. The morality and ethics we find in step four continue to develop throughout our recovery from masturbation addiction. Understanding right and wrong is most important when evaluating our strengths and weaknesses. By knowing our current strengths, we maintain an awareness of our actions. By knowing our current weaknesses, we maintain an awareness of our motives. By remaining rooted in the self's maintenance, we can catch ourselves when we unskillfully act and admit to it. When we are wrong, we say we are wrong. This guidebook suggests that masturbators abstain from mind-altering drugs. Prescription use is allowed for medical reasons. We have to own our behavior daily, and being free from drugs only assists us in our self-awareness. We now have a new path to follow in our lives. We follow this path on step 10 and strive to be self-aware.

Step Eleven

In step 10, we see how daily self-examination can help prepare us to help those that join Masturbators Anonymous. In step 11, we also learn that we can better be of service to the suffering masturbator by deepening our spirituality. So while steps ten and 11 appear to be self-serving, they are actually about self-maintenance to better service MA. We suggest developing meditation practice or a prayer regiment. We need to reflect upon our place in the world. How are we contributing to the world? We need to maintain a spiritual life, perhaps through mindful inquiry and meditation, once we are sober from masturbation. We seek the knowledge of a life path that is rightful, and we need the power to carry that out. We need to think about the MA way of life during our meditation or mindful inquiry and find ways to carry out that life. Living without masturbation is no easy feat, and we need to find ways to remain masturbation-free. We improve self-awareness through this contemplation of step 11, similar to step 10. In step 11, we are looking at a more spiritual dimension and making that spirituality our primary purpose.

When we are searching for a stronger spiritual connection than that of step three, we need to accept any help from our friends. We can appreciate all that our friends do to help us on our spiritual journey. Why are we so focused on the spiritual life in MA? We are constantly seeking to improve our conscious awareness of reality. We strive for knowledge of what is rational and realistic and for the determination and ability to stop addictive behavior and addictive thinking. Perpetual thirst for improved awareness and understanding of the self, other individuals, organizations, and our addiction, is the common goal of arresting masturbation addiction. This thirst is called spiritual awakening, and the sponsee has experienced it by now. This spiritual awakening needs to be maintained, watered, and nourished to serve the suffering masturbator. We can maintain our spirituality through daily meditation, daily prayer, and developing mindfulness. These techniques allow us to improve our conscious contact with our true selves and seek beyond the self (transcendent self). We are using prayer to cultivate positive states of mind and positive attitudes.

We consciously experience our great power through spiritual techniques (prayer and meditation). This greater power has an aspiration for us that is compassionate. However, to receive this aspiration, we need to gain strength and insight that reveals itself in step 11. Reading spiritual texts and studying is another way to improve our consciousness of our higher power. We find love and respect for our higher power. Though we cannot see our higher power, it can see us. So through prayer and thought, we seek to find the strength to do what is right. When we are spiritually strong, we can continue to share our experience, strength, and hope with other recovering masturbator. Ironically, it was not until we discovered our place in the world and had gotten in touch with our personality that we could help the suffering masturbator. We could finally heal another by pulling away from the addict and healing ourselves. As our sponsors used to tell us, “you cannot run around with an empty cup asking if anyone is thirsty.” We fill up our cup first and then help our brother.

In conclusion, spiritual techniques, such as journaling, will help us. Journaling will continually improve and clarify our lives' purposes and help us consider which path is best for us. Without living a spiritual life, there is no way we can help another masturbator. In step 11, we strive to become fully conscious of life and ourselves. We continue to develop our potential by helping others in the group. In step 12, we will discuss the action of helping another masturbator. What are some of the best ways to help?

Step Twelve

After the spiritual awakening of step 11, we take the learned message to the suffering masturbator. Working the steps has led the sponsee to have a psychic change, which leads to a message that can heal other masturbators. The sponsee practices the 12 steps in all areas of her life. Working the steps of MA will cause a conscious shift in the mind in the sponsee, but working the steps with this Guide Book will increase such a shift. Others may come to MA in the same condition we came to MA in, and this is all the more reason to deliver the message of hope to them. We need to be ready to help by maintaining the self and our relationships. Step 12 is also a time to reflect on our journey through the steps and note the progress towards a rational and realistic self-awareness. We have departed and divorced ourselves from addictive thinking due to working these steps. We will continue to practice the steps by starting over to step one with our sponsor, even further losing our ego. The steps are not linear; they are like an analog clock that turns around and around. We constantly increase self-improvement, improve our relationships, and help those with masturbation addiction. There will always be new work to be done, so we do not finish on step 12, but instead, we begin on step one again. We share what we learn with those we feel will benefit from our knowledge. By working the steps, we progress continually in recovery and the recovery of other masturbators, with no beginning and no end.

We have newfound insight into ourselves through the whole step process. We have developed a strong acceptance of relationships that have crumbled due to our addiction. In step 12, we suddenly discover helping other masturbators. This service is the goal of the steps. However, we must continue the struggle against masturbation addiction by deepening our self-awareness and maintaining living amends. Finally, we recognize that MA is an online community and that our service can touch all corners of the world. We have gained spiritual insight through the steps, and we find a message that can be shared with other masturbators, building them up. Their recovery strengthens through that message. This message remains available to others in need of recovery from masturbation addiction. Our strong message of faith spreads first to the masturbator who is suffering, then to other masturbators, our friends, our family, and continually outwards. We share this message with all in step 12. We live a life free from masturbation and become good role models for the suffering masturbator.

• DONATE TO Masturbators Anonymous

• WHY QUIT MASTURBATION?

Why Quit Masturbation?

There are as many reasons to quit masturbating as there are MA members. We find three common themes: intimacy, peace of mind, and freedom. Below are some of the more common themes, as we are sure this list is not even close to exhaustive. Because the only requirement in this fellowship is the desire to stop masturbating, it is not necessary to have a pre-existing problem with masturbation. Some of our members do not want to masturbate with no backing reason. As long as they desire to stop masturbating, we accept these people as MA members. Some of our members severely struggled with stopping masturbation, while others had no problem abstaining. Our desire to stop masturbating is what unites us and shows compassion to the suffering masturbator. The number one reason for stopping masturbating is simple: intimacy. Many masturbators find that addiction pulled them away from their romantic partners or sexual partners. With our desire to stop masturbating, we find a renewed interest in intimacy because we can finally become close to another human being again.

Peace of mind is a second theme, and the reasoning is pretty straightforward. These masturbators work themselves up during masturbation to the point that it interferes with their sleep cycles, creates mental agitation, and gives them an inability to relax. They are consistently elevating their mood. When they desire to stop masturbating, they eventually find a great sense of peace. By being calm and relaxed, their minds heal, and they gain clarity of mind as a result.

Though not as popular as the previous two, a third theme is still a big reason masturbators quit masturbating—a feeling of imprisonment. Masturbators lock themselves in bathrooms, bedrooms, and houses, often not being social for days on end. This withdrawal from the world prevents them from expanding their horizons. It leads to isolation and contraction, like the walls are closing in on them. By having a desire to stop masturbating, they learn the meaning of freedom, expansion, and endless spiritual growth.

• GET AND GIVE SUPPORT